How to improve your relationship with family -

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The benefits of a happy relationship -

Dozens of studies have shown that people who have satisfying relationships with family, friends, and their community are happier, healthier, and tend to live longer, notes Harvard Health.

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Your partner -

Let's begin by exploring the relationship between partners. A good relationship is about give and take. It's about making compromises. Don't try and do everything together. 

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Don't try and do everything together -

Respect what your partner does, and what they want to do. By allowing each other a certain amount of latitude you actually nurture a sense of trust, cooperation, appreciation, and self-worth. 

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Positive interaction -

Maintaining a solid relationship is about promoting positive interactions, which also means voicing positive criticism when necessary. This is according to guidelines recommended by the Gottman Institute. 

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Pay them more compliments -

Research undertaken by the Gottman Institute suggests that for every one negative feeling or interaction between partners, there must be five positive feelings or interactions. Therefore, the more compliments you pay your partner, the more healthy and productive the relationship.  

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Make it about you, not them -

Positive interaction extends to taking responsibility for your part in any arguments or heated discussions. Disagreements are rarely one-sided. Always be prepared to take your share of the blame. 

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Indulge in a little one-to-one -

What works best for couples is often the smallest of gestures, a drink together perhaps, or a hug. A few shared moments can make all the difference. 

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It's good to be silly -

There's nothing wrong with bringing out the mischievous child in one another. Being playful is fun. If he wears one, joke about the father-in-law's dreadful mustache. Or what about Auntie's messy bird's nest hairdo? You get the idea. 

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Give them the benefit of the doubt -

Learn to be generous, even when your partner is not making much sense, or when they are out to get you. Giving somebody the benefit of the doubt serves as a great leveler, and can be quite transformative when it comes to resentment. 

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Don't ignore disconnection -

Feeling trapped or disconnected? Most relationship therapists will tell you that these are feelings that shouldn't be ignored. Instead, discuss them openly with your partner. This self-awareness will help you communicate your concerns more effectively and, rather than widen the emotional gap, will likely bring you both closer together. 

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Your children -

There are a number of coping strategies out there designed to create better connections with your children.

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Connect more with your children -

In this digital age, it's important to maintain personal contact with your kids every day. Remembering to stop, look, and listen is key in cementing a loving and caring relationship with offspring.

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Morning, noon, or night? -

That said, identify the best time to interact with youngsters. You'll want to enjoy quality time with them at their most responsive. This may be in the morning, during the day, or early evening. The best thing to do is inquire beforehand as to when they want time alone with you. 

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Let them sleep -

Getting kids off to bed is often a challenge. But once they've met the sandman, let them sleep. A good night's rest is crucial to a child's physical and mental development. 

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A lie in won't hurt -

In their early teens, kids need eight to 10 hours of sleep a night. The odd lie in now and then won't harm them.

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Reward responsibility -

Having extra pairs of hands around the house is never a bad thing. And while most kids enjoy taking on responsibility, you'll very likely need to strike a deal in order to motivate them. 

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Strike a deal -

Reward their efforts by offering something in return. For example, washing up or helping with mopping the floor in exchange for extra screen time, or an extra 30 minutes of playtime.  

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Avoid long explanations -

Nothing turns a young mind off more than being lectured to. Kids hate sermons. So, what's the answer? 

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Keep words simple -

Instead, articulate requests or suggestions in a snappy, simple, and animated manner. 

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Acknowledge achievements -

It's very easy—and sometimes necessary—to scold a child for doing something wrong. But it's far more constructive to acknowledge the good stuff, and heap praise accordingly. 

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Show them life is not always happy -

According to Psychology Today, it's a mistake for parents to obsess over their children's happiness. In fact, many child psychologists warn against pressuring kids to be happy. Feeling a variety of emotions is important for adolescent growth, and this includes sometimes experiencing frustration and failure. Parents should show them that life is not always a bed of roses.  

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Remember them as newborns -

Most parents at some point will experience a falling out with their children. Tantrums, moods, and plenty of door-slamming are inevitable. When these episodes occur, step back and reach for the photo album or mobile device and revisit them as gurgling wide-eyed babies, and remind yourself just how precious your offspring are. 

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Your relatives -

Sibling rivalry is commonplace. But if this conflict is taken into adulthood, perhaps by differing opinions, hostile behavior, or competing interests, then there's a real danger of a once happy relationship becoming tarnished or even estranged. So, what's the answer? 

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Avoid adult sibling rivalry -

Countering the effects of adult sibling rivalry begins at home. Parents need to treat their kids fairly and equally into adulthood. Close bonding should be encouraged. Later in life, this friendship will become even more important because once parents have gone, siblings remain the last connection to their family of origin. 

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Accept that they abide by different rules -

Allow in-laws to live by the rules they made and have grown up with. Everybody conforms to a particular way of life, and everybody is different. And while theirs might not be a path you want to follow, the life your father-in-law and mother-in-law have chosen to lead needs to be accepted by the rest of the family.   

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Allow for personal space -

Family get-togethers or holidays can be seen by some as an invasion of personal space. The trick is to make sure there is a room or space to which people can retreat, maybe with a book or magazine. They can always regroup later. 

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Be curious and ask questions -

It's good to talk. But being curious is even better. By asking questions rather than making statements an individual sees things in a different or broader way. Chat with a like-minded friend or relative and a whole new world of possibility opens up.  

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Post it! -

In the Internet age, the text message is ubiquitous. But it needn't be. Keep in touch by randomly writing letters or postcards and mailing them to an elderly nearest or dearest. They'll love rediscovering the novelty of corresponding by post. 

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Plan ahead for a big day -

However, the Internet is useful when arranging large family gatherings, an anniversary party for example. Assuming everyone's connected, schedule in advance a Zoom conversation or similar so that family members are all on the same page before the get-together. And of course, there's always the phone.

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Not everyone is likable -

Remember, you don't have to get along with everyone. Not all relatives are likable. But before passing judgment, ask yourself whether it's your own prejudices getting in the way of appreciating a particular individual. Being more tolerant of their foibles is a shortcut to finding a middle ground. 

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Love what you've got -

Ultimately it's about loving what you've got and learning to live with your relatives. Rather than find fault, play on their strengths. This way, everybody will get more out of the relationship. 

Sources: (Harvard Health) (The Gottman Institute) (Marriage) (Verywell Family) (Psychology Today) (Everyday Health) 

See also: Balancing work and family: Strategies for success. 

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